Japlish, Part 2

Ok, so here it is, the long awaited second addition. I'm happy to announce that the last article I did on this subject made my father laugh so hard he was in tears, and nearly made several of my friends wet themselves. Always gratifying. Also, god knows at this point in my life I could use a good laugh more than anyone. Enjoy!

Signs found on various Tokyo businesses:
"Venom Food and Bar" (Yum yum.)
"Liquor by the Grass or in Cooktail"
"Jive Coffee"
"Fashion vs. Hair" (In Japan, this is just as big as Godzilla vs. Mothra.)

On various stationary:
"My romance. I wish you to taste this woman. A dream makes evolution."
"You can dance the dream with your body on."
"My heart's bouching like a rubber ball."
"Happy Frog - as I come close to dream, my heart throbs."
"Sex, ecstasy, and psychadelic drugs." (I don't know about you, but that's what I think of when buying a notepad.)

On cards:
"European dogs are living freely. It is open and elegantly." (Couldn't tell you the occasion this is for.)
"For you - I always think of your thing." (There's a Hallmark sentiment if I ever heard one.)
"Happy Wedding on your marriage."
"I'll sticky about my favourite things. Very wonderfully and more pleasantly." (There's so much wrong with this one I don't know where to begin.)

A beer company's motto: "Let's beer, anytime, anywhere, all friends come together to drink beer with fun. It's excellent to drink beer with all the people!" (Well they have the right idea anyway.)

On a snack: "Sugar Tits - we present you a special and beautiful stuff for honey man and woman. Tasty...Sugar Tits!" (Not a typo - actual name of snack.)

On a box of cookies: "Made from used apple juice." (Hey, wait a minute, I though those tasted funny...)

In a Tokyo hotel: "It is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing please do not read notice."

Another hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid." (I tell you, the service here stops at nothing.)

In a Tokyo bar: "Special cocktail for the ladies with nuts." (I think we're all curious about what kind of bar this is.)

A drycleaner's: "Drop your trousers here for best results." (Wink, wink.)
Another: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."

A dentist's: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists." (Religion and dentistry should never mix.)
Another dentist's actual name: "Ouchi Dental Clinic." (I'm guessing not a lot of English-speaking clientele there.)

Actual name of a shop: "Colon Booth." (I didn't ask to see what service they provided.)

Name of a dive shop in Okinawa: "Yellow Dick." (I'd have someone take a look at that, it sounds serious.)

Name of a band: "King Fucker Chicken." (I wonder...did they mean King chicken fucker?)

Above a door: "Emergency Trap." (Maybe I'll try door #2, Bob.)

On a bag: "Sneep Dip" (Any ideas about this one?)
On underwear: "We'll advise you about your stickiness about your daily life."
On a baseball cap: "Aim! We are Superhero for 21th century!" (Whose super-power is clearly not language-related.)
Another cap: "You look like chimp." (I'd wear this.)
On a woman's shirt, in really big letters: "GAY." (LeeSean would wear this.)
On various other T-shirts: "I am plump Mary."
"Snot House."
"Circuit Beaver."
"We're Bone Nob. We're Happy our Original Dance."
"Nurse Mentality."
"We hope to always have an open."
"Naughty power give me many courage."
"Is it a dear cat? Is it a kind called what?" (What indeed.)
"You are not alone. Blow a big future dream." (It started out OK...)
"Spread Beaver."
"Boneractive Wear." (I'd wear this too.)